i need an iv and a liver transplant
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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