the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
