ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
