Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
