Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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