i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
