Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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