She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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