Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
