I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
