Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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