Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
