More tranny stories later!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
