it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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