is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My cat gives me a boner
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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