using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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