Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
