tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
