So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
