he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
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Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
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I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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