i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
