Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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