btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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