I can tuck mytits in my pants
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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