So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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