Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
