So drunk its hurt
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
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There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
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why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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