Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
