If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
