just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
