Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
