And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
