I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
