it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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