It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Can you bring me the toilet please
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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