Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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