Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
