When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
