The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
