guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Boobs are out for the taking
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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