i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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