If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
