you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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