I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
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The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
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If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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