Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
