I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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