You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
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She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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