I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
