I am midnight drunk by noon
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Semen is not good for contacts.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
