No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
