Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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