Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
