Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
