I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
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He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
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The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.