I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
