I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.