So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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