We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
