So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
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he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
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I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.