Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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