I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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