Pappa wants mamma naked
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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