Can i not drive my cunt home
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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