ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
