I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
