just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
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and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
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We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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