Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He has the fingertips of a God
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
