oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
