with your own penis?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
