He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
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I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
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The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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