i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
