somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
