Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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