i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
