I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
