Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
