No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
