how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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