i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
