worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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