I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
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You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
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There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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